My Life, Post College.
Moving to a new city after college is such an exhilarating experience. A whole new place to be discovered. Adventures to take. Food to taste. Depending where you’re going you can completely start over, you can be whoever you want to be. But there’s also a downside to moving post-college and I’m about to share my experience with you.
I’ve tried writing and re-writing this blog post for about month or two because it’s not something that’s easy to talk about. When I would think about it I would become embarrassed, or just too frustrated to write. It’s something I have been trying to work on internally for awhile now and I’m here to finally open up and share it with you.
When I first moved to Baltimore two years ago, the only person I truly knew was Peter. I had met some of his friends (all guys) but still was basically anonymous in Maryland. I was fresh off the "college-graduation-high" and about to start my first real adult job.
“I’m going to be going to happy hours and shopping trips and all of that with all of the new friends I’m going to make,” is what I would tell Peter. We would talk about how I would be making friends on my own and that I wouldn’t always be able to hangout with him.
I was six months into my new job and my new life in Maryland, and I had about zero friends. I had gotten to know some of Peter’s friends better (again, still all guys who loved to talk cars) and made some acquaintances at work but I had no real friends to hangout with. Nevertheless, I was still persistent on making my own friends and a life for myself in Maryland.
I had grown up with an extremely close group of girlfriends. While we were a big group (about 11 to be exact), we had all been friends since middle school and STILL are. There was always someone to hangout with. Whether that was a quick bite to eat, shopping at the mall or just vegging out on the couch. But after college, we all kind of dispersed. That’s when I realized, I’ve never had to make friends on my own and I don’t know how.
Nothing was wrong with any of my coworkers, but I wasn’t finding that “true connection” I had felt with my girlfriends at home. I felt like I wasn’t clicking with anyone and while I had Peter, I felt extremely alone.
Eight months into living in Baltimore and trying to spread my wings, I hit a breaking point. I had just attended my company’s Christmas party. And while I was hanging with my coworkers drinking and dancing, I felt completely alone. I called Peter and I started crying the entire car ride home. I had hit my low point. I insisted that I hated Maryland and that I didn’t want to be here anymore.
Fast forward a couple months and I had started a new job. I started to make friends at J.Crew. I could see myself hanging out with coworkers at both jobs but I just couldn’t muster up the courage to make those moves. I could tell, things were definitely starting to look up.
Cue the start of my blog.
When I started my blog, my intentions were to not only share my experiences and thoughts with others but to try and connect with like-minded individuals in Baltimore. I thought, “This is going to take awhile and it might a total bust but I need to find my people.”
Three months later and I think I’m finally getting to where I want to be. I’ve had the amazing opportunity to meet other Baltimore bloggers, host/attend events with incredible like-minded women and to start the beginnings of great friendships.
Saying, “I don’t have friends” is honestly one of the most embarrassing and hardest things I've had to admit. To be raw and real about how making relationships and friendships post-college in a brand new city is so hard. It’s something I’ve tried to “hide” from my hometown friends, family and people I meet because it made me feel like a loser and a loner.
It’s hard to be able to open up to others, let alone the whole internet. But in doing so I’m hoping to get rid of this anxiety and fear I have with making new friends.
Moving to a new city is hard. Making new friends is hard. But it’s all a part of becoming an adult I think and it’s something that I hope when I look back in 20 years will seem so trivial.